How to tackle intrusive thoughts

Okay, so I want to talk about a subject that many people live with but are too ashamed to talk about. I want to talk about intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are nasty. They are categorised as an extreme form of anxious thinking that leads the person to become very worried about.

They are repetitive, unwanted and often very scary due to the fact that these kind of thoughts usually involve something socially unacceptable, violent sexual or totally unacceptable.

They often come about as an off shoot of anxiety. When you’re anxious, you tend to have extra adrenalin pumping around your body which makes negative or scary thoughts more likely.

The anxiety builds up until one day a thought comes into your mind that completely side swipes you.

You might suddenly think about shouting in a church, jumping out a car, pushing someone out a window, flushing the fish down the toilet.

Some of us can brush these thoughts off as weird and move on but others will become shocked by the idea that they had the thought.

And in a world full of safeguarding, over sensitivity and being ‘PC’. You may be worried about even mentioning what is going on in your mind.

What are the different types of intrusive thoughts.

Thoughts of being aggressive.

These usually involve fearing that you may harm yourself/others. They happen mostly to people who have never harmed anyone and would even dream of it.

Intrusive thoughts about family members.

Thoughts about family members usually involve wondering what your sibling looks like naked, wondering what might happen if you become attracted to a family member etc. They usually happen around about the time when you are beginning to explore yourself as a sexual person. It is a sign of development but unfortunately some people think that there is something wrong when them when these thoughts appear in their minds.

Thoughts about completely inappropriate things

These thoughts are usually about things that are seen as completely unacceptable like being attracted to someone under the legal age of consent. You might fear that what you are thinking will become real for you and you might actually want to do those things one day if the thoughts don’t stop.

Thoughts about children

Some parents, especially those who may be experiencing post natal depression can become really disturbed by thoughts about their children. These usually involve fears about not liking the child or fears about losing control and harming them. Some parents also have intense fears about the child not liking them.

Intrusive thoughts about children can be particularly nasty because we live in a world where we are surrounded by images of happy families. Some parents may be too scared to talk about their thoughts because they fear that they might be seen as bad parents if they do.

Why do we get intrusive thoughts and how to deal with them.

First of all, its helpful to see intrusive thoughts as a symptom of a wider anxiety that you might be experiencing.

You can take the sting out of your thoughts by understanding that thinking is what minds do. They are designed to run content through your brain and most of the thoughts that appear in your mind are not invited by you. They just turn up.

You don’t actually have to pay any attention to them. There is no difference between a good thought and a bad thought, the only difference is the content. Because our thoughts come from our own minds, often people make the mistake of thinking that they have to believe those thoughts.

I suppose its logical, if those thoughts came from you then they must be real, right? Wrong. Your thoughts are not you. They are just mental processes. You have on average, 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts every day.

You cant possibly remember all of our thoughts which mean that the ones that you do remember are the ones that we have chosen to focus on.

Secondly, remember that the very fact that these thoughts are bothering you is a good thing.

Whilst doing or wanting to carry out your intrusive thoughts is not okay, the thoughts themselves are completely normal.

More importantly, if you’ve had a bad thought about hurting someone and this has really upset you then that suggests that although a bad thought entered your mind, you have responded to it appropriately on a moral, social and emotional level. It would be far more worrying if you liked the idea and didn’t feel empathy towards the person that you might hurt.

The third thing that you can do is talk about it.

This is really hard because, of course, you might be worried about peoples reactions. But you’ll be surprised to learn that pretty much everyone on the planet has had an intrusive thought at some point in their lives.

The final way to tackle intrusive thoughts is to STOP PUSHING THEM AWAY.

Of course, this is hard because you don’t want these thoughts, but by trying to push them away, you are engaging with them and by engaging with them, you’re giving them power. Imagine a child having a tantrum, if you argue with the child the battle goes on but if you ignore them, they might shout louder to start with but eventually they run out of steam, get bored and stop.

All of these tactics can slowly get you to a point where you actually don’t notice the thoughts as much. Yes they are there but you can experience them and then continue to live your life.

If you feel that you can tackle your thoughts on your own, then great. However, if you feel that you need some help and guidance. Then give me a call on 07525051263, i’d be happy to help.

I feel drained

Burnout - what does it look like and how to recover from it.

I see so many people who feel drained, burned out and exhausted. Many of my clients feel as though they are on a constant wheel, just churning through their days rather than living.

Most people know that they feel stressed but they don't really realise that they are burning out until it’s too late and they can’t function anymore.

But how do you know that you’re burning out? What is the difference between burnout and stress?

Well, here are some of the signals which indicate you need to turn the heat down before you burn out.

1. Excessive Cynicism

Think of stress and burnout like a jar. Stressful circumstances gradually fill it up.  People let you down, bills fly out of your bank account, colleagues turn up late, you haven't been sleeping. Whilst this is going on your stress hormones have been filling up your jar and your on high alert. Your nerves start to get stimulated and you feel yourself speeding up. By the time you get home, you’re feeling frazzled and your partner gets it in the neck for not making the bed.

Don’t get me wrong, irritability isn’t always a sign of burnout. We might get fed up with hearing about our friends 100th dating disaster, but if you’re getting to the stage where everyone is getting on your nerves and you repeatedly can’t tolerate people, or you’re getting increasingly angry and irritable over really insignificant things. If this is happening, you’re probably getting far too stressed. You might need to think about taking your foot off the accelerator, because you could be moving towards emotional burnout.

2. You've been feeling ‘on fire’ and then suddenly you feel nothing.

Being stressed over a long period of time can make us feel highly stimulated or ‘on fire’. Have you ever felt like your body is speeding up? Extra fidgety or like you’re mind is churning over and over. You may even start talking slightly faster than normal. This is your body responding to constant stress hormones filtering in and keeping you on high alert. As a result you might find yourself rushing around at a million mile an hour, trying to fit as many things into your day as possible. This goes on for a while and you can keep it up until suddenly start to feel detached.

Your partner hugs you and you feel nothing. Hours go by and all you have done is binge watch TV without even taking in the story line.

Your friend messages you and you have absolutely no desire to go out. All this time moving at hyper speed has a consequence and your body has to stop you somehow. And it does so by detaching you from the world.

3. You lose your confidence

Due to the fact that you are running out of fuel, you start to underperform. Tasks that you would normally do without thinking start to seem hard. It requires more effort for you to do things and you start making mistakes. You’re too tired to perform to the best of your ability. Other people, like your boss, may start to notice and pick you up on it. And so, you start to question yourself.

You think that you can’t do your job anymore and instead of focusing giving yourself a break, you thrash your brain even harder. You sit and try to think your way out of it. Should I change my job, location, friends? Why don’t I feel anything when she/he hugs me? What is that weird sensation in my body? Why am I tired all the time? What is wrong with me?

The end result.

Your mind becomes anxious with all of these endless thoughts which pumps adrenalin into your already exhausted body, you then become pre-occupied and start making mistakes or under performing. You then lose your confidence, which means more bad thoughts, which means more Adrenalin, which means more detachment from the world.

So what can you do about it?

The first step to dealing with anything is to notice it. If you can recognise that you’re burning out then that’s half the battle. Knowledge is power.

The second thing is to recognise that thinking your way through this wont work. Let those thoughts come in and tell you that your crap but don’t engage in them or give them power.

The next is to start forward planning and give yourself some space and time. If you have to get your shopping delivered so that you can come home earlier and have a soak in the bath, then do it.

Start becoming a bit more selfish for a couple of weeks, and start saying no to things if you think that you’re taking on too much.

Start being kind to yourself about your situation. We all suffer burnout at some point (except buddhist monks, they probably don’t). Burnout comes after a period of prolonged stress caused by financial problems, relationship break ups, illness etc. No one is immune, so don’t sit there worrying that you are abnormal if all of a sudden you can’t cope.

Choose to do one thing each day that nourishes you. Buy your favourite coffee, get your mum to make you dinner. Go for a drive with no planned destination.

All of these small things can, with time, build up to a more resistant you.

You can also use the recording below to help you to relax and help to beat burnout so that it doesn’t take over. Helping you to take control. Be calm and be more resilient.

Or give me a call to arrange a session on 07525051263.

Hypnotherapy for Stress

£9.99

A Hypnotherapy recording for burnout or emotional exhaustion and stress

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Anxiety is actually your friend. It just needs training

The title above may shock you but honestly, watch the video below and you'll see what I mean. 

The girl in this short film is battling against a creature that stays by her side constantly. Waiting for her to encounter social interactions, dating, work or anything that pushes her out of her comfort zone.

Her crocodile clings to her, wont leave her alone and lets her know that its around.

Anxiety does this too.

It sits in the shadows, always there, ready to protect you whenever it thinks you’re in danger. However, sometimes it gets a bit too excited and starts to misbehave. It starts to suffocate you at work, home and everywhere else. You feel uncomfortable when you go out. You feel terror when you would otherwise feel normal and confident.

Just like the crocodile, we don’t understand why its happening. Why we cant just do that presentation, why we are starting to shake in the queue in Tesco. So we begin to hate the feeling. Just like the girl does in the video. She throws the crocodile out the window, pushes it away and begs it to stop.

But the more she fights the more it clings on.

When you experience anxiety, you might start to worry about it, wonder whether people will notice and pray that it will go away. You might tense yourself when you feel it coming on or get frustrated and enter into an internal battle with yourself about how you wish you were the person that existed before anxiety. You become self conscious and start to back out of your normal activities, just in case it comes back and people will see how scared you are.

You become less confident, less likely to say yes to things and as a result the anxiety grows bigger.

The girl in this film realised that fighting and pushing the crocodile away didn’t work. She recognised that the crocodile was there to protect her. It was loyal to her but it had no boundaries. She discovered that she could live with the crocodile but began to gently train it to sit at her side rather than climb all over her and suffocate her life.

The honest truth is that we cant get rid of anxiety because its built in to our very make up. It is there to keep us alive and has been doing so since the beginning of our existence as a species.

It’s there to alert us when we are in danger which makes it the most loyal, advanced and responsive part of ourselves.

It is actually one of the biggest assets a human has and you can use it to your advantage.

However, sometimes it needs a bit of training. The key to letting go of anxiety is to stop fighting it. Instead, you can see it as something that is trying to help you and with more confidence you can view seeing yourself as someone who has the ability to cope, to achieve, to succeed.

I can help you to do this. I work with people by helping them to change their relationship with anxiety. I help them to train the anxiety to become something that serves them, not something that overwhelms them.

If you would like to get your anxiety under control then give me a call on 07525051263. I help people with anxiety issues in Brackley, Banbury and the surrounding areas and I can help you too.

7 easy peasy weight loss tips.

Some of us just don't want to work hard to lose weight. We don't have the time to spend 30 hours in the gym every week and the idea of not being able to eat crisps is less than appealing. 

But it is possible to lose weight by making small but significant changes to your everyday routine. In fact, many of my clients have seen some dramatic results. 

So here are my top 10 weight loss tips that don't require very much effort. 

1. Stick a picture of your ideal self on the fridge. 

Maybe there's an old pic of you when you were slimmer and looking good. If you take that and stick it on the fridge, you'll be reminded of your goal and how good you looked. This means that when you reach for those extra snacks, you'll think twice at the moment that you see that awesome picture. 

2. Park in the furthest parking space that you can find. 

Whether at work, supermarket, shopping centre, whatever, try to park in the furthest spot away. This means that you'll have to walk to get to where you are going. And, if you have to walk some extra steps with some shopping bags in your hands then that great too. 

3. Take the stairs. 

Again, most of us are parking close to work, getting in the lift, only to sit down all day at work, leave the office, get in the car and sit down for dinner. All that sitting is bad for your health. So as well as parking further away, take the stairs to your office. You'll be moving more than you did before and in a few weeks, you might find that you start running up them. 

4. Sip water when you eat 

This tip is awesome because sipping water at meal times will slow down your eating. Many people have got into the habit of eating quickly which means that it becomes really easy to over eat. But if you take breaks in your meals to sip on water, you will force yourself to eat slower, enabling your stomach to tell you when you're full. 

5. If you're going to drink swap beer and wine for white spirits. 

Okay, so alcohol is not the best thing when it comes to dieting. Alcohol is normally full of sugar, so its like eating a pudding that makes you also want to eat pizza at the end of the night. 

But for many people alcohol is also fun and a social outlet. Therefore, if youre going to drink swap beer and wine for white spirits. 

Its all about the calories. A standard 5% strength beer will have between 170 and 215 kcal per pint.

A standard measure of gin and slimline tonic only has 59 calories 

So if you're going to drink, then gin it is....

6. Wear your tight clothes for a day. 

You will have some clothes in the wardrobe that are a bit tight when you put them on. Get them out. A lot of us have no idea that we are putting on weight and can ignore it simply by buying a bigger size. But this tip is about forcing you to realise that it is happening and take action. 

By wearing these clothes for a day, you will put your weight to the front of your mind, you'll be able to feel roughly how much has gone on and you'll be inspired to get back into that outfit. 

7. After you have done number 6... take yourself shopping and buy an awesome outfit in a size smaller. 

Treat yourself to that dress or shirt that you want to look good in. Buy it in the size you want to be and tell yourself that you're going to get there. Hang it in the place that you can see it. Imagine how awesome you're going to look and feel when you get there. 

I use these techniques with my clients and (many more) they have seen some great results. Weight loss isn't just about calories. Its about changing your attitude and your relationship with yourself. 

Below is a recording specifically designed to help you to get started. To become more aware of your body and to train your mind so that you are more in control of your cravings.

Hypnotherapy for Weight Loss

£9.99

How do you really treat stress? Be more lobster!

There are a gazillion articles on google about stress; how to avoid it, treat it, stop it, prevent it etc etc…

Most of these articles will talk about very normal and sensible solutions to keeping stress under control. The good advice includes sleeping properly, eating properly, reaching out to friends, work life balance or breathing.

But, and this is a big but.

This advice doesn’t seem to help when we are in the midst of a stress episode.

In fact, when you are stressed, the very things that you are supposed to be doing such as sleeping, go out of the window.

Stress can turn you upside down.

So it how can we learn to use it instead of avoiding or getting rid of stress. 

Watch the video below, you may find it interesting. 

After you have watched the video, you will see that lobsters grow from the pressure that they feel inside their shell. Their shell isn’t working for them anymore.

So ask yourself. What is not working for me? Can I change it? If it can’t, can I change how I react?

Many people, mistakenly feel that if they are stressed anxious or depressed, that somehow they have become weak.

Not the case, most people will experience acute stress in their life as a result of something changing.

Whatever, what is, you will adapt in some way to that stress.

Stress changes us and even if you are in the midst of the most debilitating stress, the answer is to work out how to adapt and change as a result.

I can help you to do that.

Hypnotherapy can help you to unpick stress, see it in a different light and then use it to your advantage. As a result you will begin to feel calmer, happier and more connected to the world around you. 

I have already helped so many people from Brackley, Banbury and Oxfordshire to become better equipped when it comes to stress. 

If you are stressed and suffering because of it, then give me a call on 07525051263 and id be happy to help.